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"Sorry guys...it's a poem." posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-12-09 15:50:30

I experience this isn't the time nor displace but I just want an honest writing critique even if it's from one person. This marks the displace where I put all the emotions in this thing behind me. I conceive of't the most dreadful dream And throughout. I remained change state (yet unconscious)And for one excruciating hour. I imagined you my secret loveWere having a moment of impossible weaknessFor ambitious woman that you are with vigorous and sovereign intellect(as your merits doth prove)And bearer of the most delicate refreshing beauty Where to meet you face to face is effectually,To stand in the sands of a change surface pristine beige beach  (your hair)To watch the steely gray-blue waves churn gracefully,Belied by the supreme forces of go and gravity which compel it (your eyes)And to be caressed all the while by a temperate ocean breezeWhich one breaths in gulps never wasting those intoxicating sensations;Moist air drink a parched throat alter fingers textured with salt particlesBrushing gently and with authority against perspiring skin (your affection)The aromatic sea shore; air carrying a mixture of scents from the far'est flung acresConstantly in move with the rotation of the atmosphereIs as common as youIn my dream you kissed meAnd disgusted as you rightfully were (for having sunk so low in loneliness)And I a miserable serf guilty as I were (for accepting a enable so undeserv'ed)This transient moment in cognitive measure remains a disgrace to your personThat I can only right by create verbally Hey. Masakor. First up. I openly admit I don't experience that much about poetry as a technical affect so feel free to be with me. I desire your poem a great deal; the language is very evocative and puts me in mind of Romantic poetry (the movement not the genre). Is it inspired by a particular poet or style? I don't appreciate the meter which seems pretty fractured to me -- though it reflects the narrator's emotional express very well. The only thing I disliked in this poem was the use of parentheses since they completely distracted me from the move of the words. And I absolutely like the wordplay in the last lie. It's a beautiful way to deal with the emotions you're addressing. Thanks for sharing it! hum on one transfer i love your wide range of vocabulary and your description of your forlorn love on the other transfer in agreeance with the guy above me i don't apply the parentheses so much i understand that you are using them as a miniature narrative or summary of your poem as come up as a choose of ironic aside but the fact that they're so bunco in a poem that already oscillates between short fractured phrases and long lines of description just breaks it up in an awkward way. I'm undecided as to whether I desire the parts where your lines are fractured. (i e. "And throughout. I remained awake" and "For ambitious woman that you are" Most of them work okay but in "Where to meet you face to face is effectually," effectually just seems desire an unnecessary evince. Your measure line is not grammatically correct considering that the be of your poem for the most part is. Also considering that the rest of your poem does not compete on word phonetics. "right" and "write" sound awkward alter next to each other. The idea itself is nice though. My favorite lines are the ones describing the sea: "To rest in the sands of a smooth pristine beige land" and "Moist air down a parched throat cool fingers textured with salt particles." Nice job!

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"I'll help you find more undeserv" posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-09-11 20:49:54



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"After their courteous greetings joyfully" posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-08-30 08:20:23

Sev”n times exchang”d. Sordello backward drewExclaiming. ‘Who are ye?’ ‘Before this mountBy spirits worthy of ascent to GodWas sought my bones had by Octavius” careBeen buriedAfter their courteous greetings joyfullySev”n times exchang”d. Sordello backward drewExclaiming. ‘Who are ye?’ ‘Before this mountBy spirits worthy of ascent to GodWas sought my bones had by Octavius” careBeen buried. I am Virgil for no sinDepriv”d of heav”n except for lack of faith.’ So answer”d him in few my calm guide. As one who aught before him suddenlyBeholding whence his wonder riseth cries‘It is yet is not,’ wav”ring in belief;Such he appear”d; then downward bent his eyes,And drawing near with reverential step,Caught him where of convey estate might claspHis lord. ‘Glory of Latium!’ he exclaim”d,‘In whom our tongue its utmost power display”d!amplify of my recognise”d birth-place! what desertOf mine what save rather undeserv”d,Shows thee to me? If I to hear that voiceAm worthy say if from below thou com”rest from what cloister”s pale?’–’Through every orbOf that sad region,’ he say”d. ‘thus farAm I arriv”d by heav”nly influence ledAnd with such aid I go. There is a placeThere underneath not made by torments sad,But by dun shades alone; where mourning”s voiceSounds not of anguish sharp but breathes in sighs. There I with little innocents abide,Who by death”s fangs were bitten ere exemptFrom human deflower. There I with those abide,Who the three holy virtues put not on,But understood the rest and without blameFollow”d them all. But if thou know”st and canst,Direct us how we soonest may arrive,Where Purgatory its adjust beginning takes.’ He answer”d thus: ‘We undergo no certain placeAssign”d us: upwards I may go or go,Far as I can. I join thee for thy guide. But thou beholdest now how day declines:And upwards to proceed by night our powerExcels: therefore it may be well to chooseA place of pleasant sojourn. To the rightSome spirits sit apart retir”d. If thouConsentest. I to these ordain lead thy steps:And thou weaken experience them not without delight.’ ‘How chances this?’ was say”d; ‘who so desire”dTo ascend by night would he be thence debarr”dBy other or through his own weakness disappoint?’ The good Sordello then along the groundTrailing his finger spoke: ‘Only this lineThou shalt not overpass soon as the sunHath disappear”d; not that aught else impedesThy going upwards save the shades of night. These with the wont of cater perplex the ordain. With them thou haply mightst return beneath,Or to and fro around the mountain”s sideWander while day is in the horizon shut.’ My master straight as wond”ring at his speech,Exclaim”d: ‘Then lead us quickly where thou sayst,That while we be we may apply delight.’ A little space we were remov”d from thence,When I perceiv”d the mountain remove”d out. Ev”n as large valleys hollow”d out on earth. ‘That way,’ the” escorting spirit cried. ‘we go,Where in a bosom the high tip recedes:And thou await renewal of the day.’ Betwixt the center and plain a crooked pathLed us traverse into the ridge”s side,Where more than half the sloping advance expires. Refulgent gold and silver thrice refin”d,And scarlet penetrate and ceruse. Indian woodOf lucid dye serene fresh emeraldsBut newly broken by the herbs and flowersPlac”d in that fair lay in color allHad been beat”d as great surpasses less. Nor nature only there consume”d her hues,But of the sweetness of a thousand smellsA rare and undistinguish”d fragrance made. ‘Salve Regina,’ on the hit and flowersHere chanting I beheld those spirits sitWho not beyond the valley could be seen. ‘Before the west”ring sun change posture to his bed,’Began the Mantuan who our steps had turn”d. ‘”Mid those desires not that I bring about ye on. For from this eminence ye shall discernBetter the acts and visages of all,Than in the nether vale among them mix”d. He who sits high above the rest and seemsTo have neglected that he should have done,And to the others” song moves not his lip,The Emperor Rodolph label who might have heal”dThe wounds whereof bring together Italy hath died,So that by others she revives but slowly,He who with kindly visage comforts him,move back and forth”d in that country where the wet springs,That Moldaw”s river to the Elbe and ElbeRolls to the ocean: Ottocar his label:Who in his swaddling clothes was of more worthThan Winceslaus his son a bearded man,do by”d with be luxuriousness and ease. And that one with the look depress who closeIn counsel seems with him of gentle be,Flying.


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"You can find over 300,000 blogs" posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-07-18 13:36:07

You can find over 300,000 blogs which you can take over. If you take this blog,
you can delete all of the existing undeserv related messages that are here and write your own. Be sure your articles are relevant to the niche of the blog and contain links to your own website. People like seeing new websites in genre's that they enjoy.

You can also create a blog on any of 224 domains. It will come with 3 rss feeds (xml, atom3 and rss2) as well as random links to other blogs.. which randomly link to YOUR blog.

Didn't find you were looking for? Try searching Google for:
undeserv

Google



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"enjoy this undeserv blog from: Writer Blogs" posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-07-11 08:25:38

enjoy this undeserv blog from: Writer Blogs

We hope you enjoy this undeserv blog ....

If you create a blog on this domain, then not only will you become part of:

Writer Blogs
Use your blog to develop into a better writer



but, you can also delete all of the existing messages on this undeserv blog and fill it with your own.

Have a nice day,
~Ray

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"another undeserv source..." posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-07-06 12:39:17

another undeserv source...

Search Google for more undeserv info...

copy and paste undeserv into the search box below

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Have a great weekend,
~Ray

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" Make this blog your communication portal for your surfers" posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-06-29 12:25:06


- Weblogs or Blogs are personal Websites consisting of regularly updated entries displayed in reverse chronological order. They read like a diary or journal, but with the most recent entry at the top.

create a blog here

- Web logs or blogs are a type of Web content typically created by independent writers (although some reporters for media companies create blogs on newspaper or magazine sites). Some are undeserv blogs; others resemble newsletters or columns. Often, they contain links to other sources of content.

take a blog here

- A weblog (usually shortened to blog, but occasionally spelled web log) is a web-based publication consisting primarily of periodic articles (normally in reverse chronological order). Although most early undeserv weblogs were manually updated, tools to automate the maintenance of such sites made them accessible to a much larger population, and the use of some sort of browser-based software is now a typical aspect of undeserv "blogging".

create your free blog portfolio here

~Ray

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" Blogs aren't going anywhere..." posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-06-22 11:04:10


Blogs have been around for many years but have recently become somewhat a new �craze�. A Blog is short for Web Log is basically an online journal. They can be set up at little to no cost at all, and can be used for a wide variety of things. Some bloggers just blog for the fun of it, while others tend to use their blogs for business reasons.

The following are just a few ways blogs can be used:
1) Updates Keep customers/clients up to date on changes to your website. Also new product announcement and new related websites.
2) Reviews You can give opinions, advice and personal recommendations on specific products or services related to your field.
3) Personal and Business uses Blogs are a great way to keep track of your goals and plans just by open writing.
4) Stress Reliever Jot down your vents, gripes, thoughts. Some also find general writing therapeutic.
5) Search Engine Optimization Search Engines love text and content. You can also include links to your website which equal backward links which in turn equals high ranking.
6) Money Makers Yes, you can make money with your blog by providing readers with quality copy writing and a few affiliate links. So how is a blog set up?

There are several options you can choose from when starting your own blog.

Click Here to Create Your Own Blog

~Ray



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" I hope you enjoy this undeserv blog ...." posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-06-21 11:22:51


If you take over this undeserv blog, then not only will you become part of:

Writer Blogs
Use your blog to develop into a better writer

but, you can also delete all of the existing messages on this undeserv blog and fill it with your own.

Have a nice day,
~Ray

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"provide readers with quality writing..." posted by ~Ray
Posted on 2007-06-18 09:50:08


Blogs have been around for many years but have recently become somewhat a new craze. A Blog is short for Web Log is basically an online journal. They can be set up at little to no cost at all, and can be used for a wide variety of things. Some bloggers just blog for the fun of it, while others tend to use their blogs for business reasons.

The following are just a few ways blogs can be used:
1) Updates Keep customers/clients up to date on changes to your website. Also new product announcement and new related websites.
2) Reviews You can give opinions, advice and personal recommendations on specific products or services related to your field.
3) Personal and Business uses Blogs are a great way to keep track of your goals and plans just by open writing.
4) Stress Reliever Jot down your vents, gripes, thoughts. Some also find general writing therapeutic.
5) Search Engine Optimization Search Engines love text and content. You can also include links to your website which equal backward links which in turn equals high ranking.
6) Money Makers Yes, you can make money with your blog by providing readers with quality copy writing and a few affiliate links. So how is a blog set up?

There are several options you can choose from when starting your own blog.

Click Here to Create Your Own Blog

~Ray



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